So I just realized that I have not written in my blog once this year.

Not. Once.

I feel terrible. Especially since I had some cool stuff to write about, like living in China and coming back to Alaska for the first time in 15 years, and Disney World and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, and so many other shenanigans it's ridiculous that I didn't take the time to write them down.

I feel really bad.

Well, not really bad, but a bit.

So here's an update:

This past year I embraced being a feminist and became much more liberal than I used to be. I went to Shanghai, Hong Kong, Beijing, and climbed the Great Wall of China.

Absolutely amazing.

I met some amazing people, got to see my family again when I came back to AK and meet amazing people here. I got a job as a daycare assistant at the BGC in Anchorage, where I continued learning what it's like to have terrible management, but also how to take care of babies better than I ever have before and learn to love them more (which I didn't know was possible).

I've done so much and seen so much this year that there's no way one post will be able to do everything justice. It's really been an amazing year, and I'm greatly looking forward to the future. I plan on moving to Moscow (hopefully) soon to be a governess (so I'm continuing with the "teaching English" part of my life), where I plan to make a ton of money, get out of debt, and actually learn Russian (which I should have done in college with my Russian classes, but I digress). My family has been amazing. Dad is currently in Kabul on a six month deployment (and we're grateful it's not a year), and we miss him terribly. We got to Skype him last night and he said there had been a bomb detonated in the morning there. I guess this isn't the first time they've had to deal with this, which scares me a little bit, because I hate to think of my dad having to deal with things like that, but we are managing and I pray for him just about every night.

I've loved my singles ward here. I've made a couple of very special friends. I've also realized I'm a bit lonely, but I'm not willing to give up my independence just yet, nor do I think I need a man to feel good about myself, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to every now and then (and make out with. Just sayin'.).

I got my Patriarchal blessing in October before Dad left, which held some amazing information for me that I really needed to hear, and made me very excited for my future. This prompted D.J. to get his just a week later. I'm grateful for the great example my baby brother is. He's truly amazing in every way.

I dyed my hair a few different colors. I wore a lot of black (so not much has changed there). I ate scorpions at a Chinese night market (they're really crunchy and salty).

I sang a lot of karaoke and competed in a mock American Idol competition at Disney World (and won my first round).

I literally went to Hogwarts and almost died of happiness.

I've had so many amazing experiences and opportunites, it literally boggles my mind sometimes to think of the things I've done, and what I've got to look forward to. I've laughed, danced, cried, and sung my heart out more times than I could count. I've been incredibly happy, which is all a girl can ask for in this world, I think :)

If this post seems random, that's because, well, it is. I read a quote once that basically said that from day to day our lives seem ordinary and don't really change, but one day you look back and everything is different, and it's so true.

To all of my friends and family, I love you so much. This year would not have been what it was without any of you. To my friends I haven't really gotten to talk to this year, I haven't forgot about you, and I miss and love you as much as I ever have.

I think I only have one resolution for 2014: make it even better than 2013. I hope the New Year brings perpetual happiness and prosperity for all of you :)

Gay Marriage Opinion: Revised Edition

And also a little update, in my last post I talked about how I was really indecisive about gay marriage. I've basically decided that although I don't agree with homosexuality, that it would be wrong of us as a nation to withhold the rights of others. Some people are trying to say it goes against what the Founding Fathers intended with the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, but that's bollocks, because in the DoI it says that ALL MEN (even the gay ones *gasp*) are entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Well, if they want to get married, and you're restricting their ability to do that, guess what? YOU ARE DENYING THEM THEIR RIGHT TO THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS, WHICH IS GOING AGAINST WHAT THE FOUNDING FATHERS WANTED, WHICH MEANS YOU ARE THE UNCONSTITUTIONAL ONES, NOT GAY PEOPLE.

Boom. Logic, without having to get religious (which shouldn't happen, because of separation of the church and state and all that jazz). It's really simple, people. If you don't like homosexuality, then don't be homosexual. If you think it's a sin, then don't practice it. I think drinking and smoking are sinful, but you don't see me giving people crap about it, or trying to prevent them from drinking or smoking. If two consenting adults WHO JUST SO HAPPEN TO BE THE SAME GENDER want to get married, then let them.

See how easy that was? I can maintain my religious beliefs while still letting other people who don't share them go on their merry way. Christ said to love one another, and He didn't give any conditions on who we're supposed to love; He meant ALL people. I know we all have free speech and yada yada yada, but don't be hateful or cruel. And if you think the opposing side is being hateful and cruel, turn the other cheek (another thing Christ said to do). Etiquette, people. And if you feel like the other side doesn't have, it's no excuse for you to lose yours.

I feel the need to write this down.

So today is gonna get a bit Mormon-y, so if you're uncomfortable with that, tune out now.

For the rest of you who stayed to read on, I just want to talk about something really quick. There's a guy I know from ROTC at BYU, we became alright friends, I've always thought he was a cool dude. A few months ago he said he was taking a break from the church, he had things he needed to sort out and was just done with it. I supported him, because I feel like sometimes people just gotta do what they gotta do. I had no hate for the guy. Well, he just posted about how he's an atheist now, and he said:

"One thing I have discovered is if you think you have the answers or the truth, then you undoubtedly haven't questioned your world view enough. I sometimes envy those of you who can be comfortable with inconsistent, illogical answers to life's mysteries. I don't know how you do it. Every form of idealism I have explored ends up being inconsistent when all the evidence is considered."

For the record, I do not think I have all of the answers in life, or the full truth. In fact, I know I don't; God has said that there are things no man knows, and I truly believe that. But my friend makes it sound like he needs to have all of the answers to believe. I know for a fact God lives; there have been too many things that have happened in my life to prove otherwise, things that are more than just "coincidences." So we don't have all of the answers; so what? I feel like I have enough. And I feel like some of the "evidence" he's talking about doesn't really contradict God in any way. People try far to often to separate science and God, but to me, they support one another. I believe that God is a scientific being, so the science of our universe doesn't dispute the existence of God to me. I remember taking a science class at BYU and having it hit me that everything in science is so freaking perfect, that how could there not be a higher being involved in it? I mean, look at atoms, for Pete's sake, and ionic and covalent bonding; if even one electron didn't bond the right way to another atom, it wouldn't change the entire freaking compound. In science's precision lies the proof of God (for me, at least; I know there are those of you who will disagree).

Look, I know not all of you who read this are religious, or that all of those religious people who read this believe this like I do, but I just want to say that I know God lives. I've felt His hand in my life, and I think I'm just sad to have seen someone who was involved in my church leave it. You don't have to agree with me; but thank the Lord we live in America, where people can worship how they want without getting crap for it, right?

Right, guys?

Guys?

Am I right?

That's another thing I want to talk about. People do not understand what the word "tolerance" means. Too often people think that when someone disagrees with their views, they aren't being "tolerant." Uh, no, that's not being intolerant, that's merely disagreeing with your views. "Tolerance" is when you let people think what they think and don't treat them like an idiot or a horrible person if what they think disagrees with what you think. Read the dictionary, people. I mean, I don't agree with what my friend is saying, but I can respectfully share my view without telling him he's an idiot. In fact, if I have any hope of him one day returning to the church, that is the exact opposite of how I should act. I should just continue to treat him with love and respect, and then maybe one day he'll change his mind. Or maybe he won't, and he will just continue on being an awesome dude that doesn't believe in God anymore. Whatever. I have my opinions, and he has his. And the world hasn't ended. Amazing!

Something I've been thinking about (the worst organized blog post EVER)...

So recently and again, gay marriage has become a hot button topic in the political world.  North Carolina voted in favor of an amendment banning homosexual marriages, and shortly after President Obama came out openly in support of gay marriage.

In my church, we are taught that acting on homosexuality is a sin; we've repeatedly been told that we shouldn't be in support of gay marriage because it defies what God's plan is for the family.  Towards the end of the school at BYU, there was a gay student panel made up of four homosexual/bisexual students that were brave enough to come out and discuss their struggles with same-sex attraction while still being faithful members of the church.  It was one of the most inspiring things that I think has ever happened at my school, and I'm proud to have been there while it happened.

Being Mormon, we are often looked down upon for our church's view on homosexual marriages, and this can be really hard while also being from California.  This is a topic that I personally have been struggling with for a while now.  I want everyone to be happy, and logically this would mean letting all people have equal marriage rights; however, I believe the law of God to be above the law of man, and do believe that "wickedness never was happiness;" along those lines, since homosexuality is a sin, even if practicing it in this life makes them happy now, God will punish them for it after they die.  Of course, this is not an argument I can use validly, especially among many of my peers who don't believe in God or believe that since we don't follow all parts and laws of the Bible, we shouldn't be allowed to condemn homosexuality because the Bible says so.  There's the equally appealing argument that people use when they say that nowhere does Jesus actually condemn homosexuality, and I can't just say that we have modern revelation condemning homosexual practices, because only Mormons will believe that (and only the Conservative ones, for that matter haha).  It's a ridiculously fine line to tread.

Now, I believe the greatest law above all others is to love everyone.  I think many people misunderstand that when my church condemns homosexuality, it is not condemning homosexuals themselves; we love everyone, especially those that struggle with their homosexuality in a church that condemns it.  They have some of the strongest faiths that I've ever heard of, and I love them for the bravery that they demonstrate on a daily basis.  Rather, when the gospel condemns homosexuality, it is condemning the practice of it; there are many worthy homosexual members within our church that refrain from acting upon their urges and are able to hold temple recommends and callings worthily.  We do not push out members for having homosexual tendencies.

Personally, I don't really know whether I'm in support of gay marriage or not.  Part of me wants to stick with the gospel that I have been born and raised in (and believe in), while the other part of me hates to see earthly happiness restricted to so many people.  I know, I know, there are those homosexual members in the church who end up in a heterosexual marriage and it ends up working out for them, and that's great; but honestly, I think those are the rare exception.  More times than not, a gay Mormon is not going to end up in a happy and healthy heterosexual relationship.  I feel like all people should be happy, but still have that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that gay marriage is not something God would approve of, and ultimately I care more about what God wants than what people want (call me crazy, but we all have our beliefs).


I know that from what I've written it mostly sounds like I'm against gay marriage, and I think that at my core, I am; I don't know how to justify the unhappiness of so many people, though, and it seriously tears me up inside.  I know some of you are thinking, "Just support gay marriage then, that's the only way," but it's honestly not that easy, no matter how much you say it is.  This issue is not as black and white as so many people on both sides think it appears to be.  I wish that there were a way for gay people in the church to be able to have the same happiness as those straight members without having to go to such extremes as marrying a person of the opposite gender.

And I know that not all of you reading this believe in God, I get that, but that is my own personal opinion.  I know you think that we're hateful because we support laws that restrict others' happiness, but I have seen plenty of hate come from your side as well.  There's such a thing called "tolerance" of other peoples' opinions, and I feel that when it comes to the topic of gay marriage, there is very little tolerance on either side of the argument.  Many extremists against gay marriage go too far in saying God hates gay (which is a blatant lie, because He loves everyone), but then there are those in support of it that believe those who support traditional marriage hate gays (which is not true; I support traditional marriage, but most definitely do not hate gay people).  I respect your opinion; I may not agree with it (like I said, this is a topic that perplexes my soul), but I will allow you to believe it without bashing you for it.  All I ask is that while I express my own opinion, you don't bash me for mine.

Post-Grad Life

It has been quite a while since I have been on here, obviously, and a TON has happened.  I went to Holland for Christmas, which was amazing and fantastic, mostly because I was hanging out with my family and the missionaries and Andrew (a friend from my family's ward).  Then I came back to school, unfortunately didn't make the ballroom team or either of the gold classes (although I DID win 3rd place in Mambo at DanceSport in March, on my birthday, thank you very much), but this was probably a good things because I got a bit busy with my last semester and all.  Which leads me to my most important piece of news: I GRADUATED COLLEGE!  I know, I know, it's a freaking miracle.  And I graduated with over a 3.0 GPA, too, which is even MORE astounding considering how bad I usually do during my winter semesters (as demonstrated with my 2.74 and 2.86 GPAs for the first two winter semesters I had.  My third was a 3.02 and my fourth a 3.19.  AND I graduated on time, too.  I am a champion).

So now that I've moved out of Provo (and away from my HIDEOUS landlords), I'm back in Fairfield living with Kathy and Chris for the next month, and in the process of getting ready for China.  Yeah, you read that right, CHINA.  I still can't really believe it, either.  I don't think it'll be real until I'm at the airport.  My Chinese roommate Kexin hooked me up with a guy she knows back home that runs his own English-teaching business and got me a job as a teacher.  It's a pretty sweet set-up, actually; I get a monthly salary (a little over $1200), along with free room and board AND food during the week.  I'll pretty much only need to pay for food on the weekends, personal items like toiletries, and whatever traveling expenses that I have from going all over China and (hopefully) other countries.  Kexin will be out in June for a couple of months, and a couple of our roommates from this year will be Thailand for a couple of months, so we're going to try and visit them while they're there; how cool would that be?!  I'm becoming quite the world traveler.  Mom and Dad are being very supportive of all this craziness; they're just happy I'm going to have a job to pay off my student loans with.  They even encourage me to travel, and that they'll help with a bit of the interest on my loans.  Of course, I don't want them to do that, so I think I'll end up staying longer than my already planned year there so I can make a bit of extra cash, for both loans a some money for a new car.  I really hope I end up liking it, so I'll be more inclined to stay longer.  I'm REALLY hoping I'll like it to stay long enough to save up money so I can get braces once I'm back in the States.  I won't be on my parents' insurance anymore, so it will be much more expensive than if I were.  I know my employer is eager to please so that I stay as long as possible (they like to keep their teachers there for as long as possible so the kids have consistency in teachers), so I'm sure I'll find just about everything to my satisfaction.  I'll have internet there, so I'll still be able to Skype and blog and stuff (and if I download a good proxy, get on Facebook and Youtube haha), and my parents are even trying to figure out a phone situation for me.  Luckily, I convinced my good friend Rachel to come and join me, so she'll be out in August sometime, where we'll live together and play with little Chinese kids everyday :)  I don't think I would be so excited about this if she wasn't coming with me, so I'm grateful I convinced her to haha.  We even have a couple of different options in regards to attending church, so I think we will be well set up there.

Unfortunately, I lost my passport in the midst of moving, so now I'm in the process of quickly getting another one, which unfortunately costs a ton of cash, but luckily my mummy had some saved up from VA benefits, so we're able to use that for it.  I also have to start a new visa application, since my original one is to my old passport, and I lost my birth certificate so I have to get a new one of those, too.  It's been a bit hectic, but we're making it work.  I'm just grateful to be done with college and on my way to a fabulous opportunity to experience the world and a different culture.

Speaking of Chinese culture, can I just say I'm a bit scared of Chinese food?  I mean REAL Chinese food, not the stuff they serve at Panda Express.  As delicious and orange chicken is, it's not what I'll be eating in China; I've heard that there's a lot of seafood in China, which I'm okay with, so I'm thinking I'll be good.  At least, I hope so.  I'm just going to have to suck it up, because either I'll starve, or I'll gorge myself on rice and get super fat, which CANNOT happen.  If anything, I want to try and LOSE weight while I'm in China, so let's hope I can somewhat accomplish that goal, even if it's just keeping weight off haha.  I finally lost all of the weight I gained over the summer (thanks to ballroom), and although I'm not fat right now, I'm a bit curvy and could stand to lose a few pounds, so I at least need to keep weight off.  Cross your fingers for me, everybody!

But alright, it's 2:36 AM as of this moment, and I'm SUPER tired now and have quite a bit to do tomorrow (mostly grading papers for Kathy to make some extra cash).  But before I leave, of COURSE I need to do a Hottie of the Post!  Today's lucky winner is Columbus Short.

Brotha is fiiiiiiiiine.  There just isn't a picture that does him justice, honestly.  He is a fantastic actor, as well as an amazing dancer - watch "Stomp the Yard" if you want to see (not the greatest movie, but his acting is great, and there's some awesome dancing.  And eye candy.  Ahem.).  Part of my liking for him is his charisma on screen - he is chock full of it.  He's currently on the ABC drama "Scandal," and since watching it I've remember how freaking hot he is.  So therefore, he is my flavor of the post.

Anyway, now it's 2:48.  At this rate I won't wake up until 3 in the afternoon tomorrow, so it's time for me to go.  Love you all!

A New Year

It's crazy to think that it's already 2012.  It means that I only have one semester left before I graduate from BYU with a Bachelor's degree.  It means that in a few short months I actually have to start my life.  And if you're a conspiracy theorist, it also means that the world is ending in December haha.

But seriously.  2011 was actually a really great year.  It wasn't perfect, but I met so many awesome people that my life wouldn't be the same with.  I've gotten to do some AMAZING things (Berlin, Switzerland, Roma, Cologne, and not to mention BALLROOM!), things that have enriched my life sooooooo much.  I've had such a good year, I think it's going to take a lot for 2012 to try and top it.

Tomorrow I leave for Provo again.  I begin my last semester on Wednesday, and immediately have auditions for classes that day and auditions for team the night after that.  But for this semester, yes, I will strive to do well in my classes and finish strong in my grades (by the way, I got a 3.53 this semester!  Best GPA I've ever had :D), but I will also do everything that I can to have a good time and enjoy my last few months as a carefree college student before I have to start making a living for myself.  It's going to be scary, because I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life yet, just speculations, but whatever comes, I want to be ready for it and receive it with open arms.

I hope that as you reflect on 2011, that you remember the good times that you had, but also see what you can do to make 2012 better.  I know that I want to make it my best year so far.  May 2012 bring you all much happiness and many blessings <3

Little Blessings

So it's currently after 2 AM here in Provo, and I've been attempting to work on my research paper for my humanities class.  I also have another paper due for my history class, and I thought they were due on the same day because my roommate had told me the history paper was due on Tuesday, but turns out it's not due until Thursday!  This makes me glad, because it gives me more time to work on my humanities paper, and then a couple of extra days to work on my history one.  This means more sleep for me!  I'm really happy, if you couldn't tell.  I tell you, it's the little things in life that make it all worthwhile :)

Research Papers are the Devil

Seriously.  And I have two due on Tuesday.  Granted, one of them is only a rough draft, but the other one, the one that I can't figure out what to write about, is due for real.  Why do I always procrastinate these things?  You think I'd have learned after three years of college, but nope.

Anyway, other than that, life is alright.  I have medals exams for three of my ballroom classes this week (kind of nervous about those!) and there's only about a week and a half of real classes left before reading days and finals.  Yeah, you read that right, THE SEMESTER IS ALMOST OVER.  It went by so freaking quick, let me tell you.  And now that we've decided I'm graduating in April instead of August, that means I only have one more semester of college left.  LESS THAN FIVE MONTHS UNTIL I AM A COLLEGE GRADUATE.   I can't believe it.  You think high school will take forever, and then college will, but no, it goes by waaaaaaaay quicker than you would think.  And what sucks is that all of my plans are disapparating before my very eyes.  I want to do the military thing, but all of the cutbacks going on are making that a very unlikely career at the moment.  So what to do?  I don't know.  I would just get married, but we know how I am with boys.

Speaking of boys, I have a really good story for you all!  Well, good as in funny, not as in it ends well.  So there's this boy, whom we shall call Mr. Ballroom.  Obviously, he's a ballroom boy, and he's in two of my classes.  We met at the beginning of the semester, and in September he asked me out on a double date with his roommate, and I said yes, and it was a fine date.  Free food, free ticket to World of Dance, and he's a nice guy to boot.  However, I barely knew him at this point in my life, and decided that I didn't like him in that way.  I was pretty sure he liked me after a couple of things (him walking me home after practicing for ballroom, for instance, when he lives almost eight blocks east of me), but I did not reciprocate those feelings.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I thought he was super nice and we got along great, but I just wasn't attracted to him.  Lame, lame, I know.

At least, this is what I kept telling myself.

I couldn't stop thinking about how much I didn't like him.  Then a few weeks ago we had stake conference, and they had an engaged couple speak, and the female in the relationship said that she hadn't initially been attracted to her fiancee, but then she was.  Combine this with some advice another ballroom boy gave me ("Men learn to love what they are attracted to, and women learn to be attracted to what they love," which I totally agree with, by the way), and BAM.  One day I woke up and realized something.

I had a huge fat crush on Mr. Ballroom.

I couldn't understand what was wrong with me.  I had spent weeks telling myself I didn't like him, and all that time I was running away from the truth.  I liked him.  A LOT.

My roommate Kexin was ecstatic.  She loves Mr. Ballroom, and me, and she told me how she wanted us to date so we could get married and I would stay in Provo (since this is Mr. Ballroom's first year back at school after his mission, and he still hasn't chosen a major yet, I would probably be here another couple of years at least, and Kexin is a year or two behind me.  We're bff's, if you couldn't tell haha).  Of course, I don't want to be hasty, but I'd be lying if I told you it wasn't an appealing thought.

But now I had a dilemma.  I liked Mr. Ballroom, but didn't want to wait around for forever for him to make up his mind.  So I started flirting, and talking to him as much as I could, and invited him over for dinner (and he came, by the way, and then walked me to the Wilk for an audition before walking home himself).  I thought he liked me back, and so did some of my friends.

Apparently, we were wrong.  Or at least, partially wrong.

See, like I said, I didn't want to wait around for him forever, so I made up my mind that I was going to be bold and tell him that I liked him.  And I did.

Except, I made it the most awkward situation possible.

On Monday we were walking together after class, like we usually do, and had hugged to say goodbye, but I was acting crazy and he could tell, so he said, "What?"  Of course, I was losing my nerve, so I said, "Nothing."  This happened a couple more times as we walked away from each other, and as Kexin (who is in one of our ballroom classes) and a few more people from our class walked out of the Wilk.  So I sucked him up, crooked my finger at him, and he came back over to me.  And then I said it.  "Okay, I'm just going to put this out there...I really like.  So...yeah...bye."

Yup.  And he didn't say anything, just kind of nodded, and then I ran away like a little girl to choir.  And proceeded to freak out about this on and off for the rest of the day.  People told me that I needed to text him to try and remedy the awkwardness of the situation, which I did, and to which he replied, "Nah, don't worry about it, I understand.  If you'd prefer to talk in person I feel it's more legit.  Will you be around tomorrow?"  So we made plans to meet after class, since choir was cancelled for break, and I reassured myself that this was a good thing.  At the very least, it wasn't bad, because he wasn't avoiding me.  So maybe things would end up with me FINALLY getting a boyfriend, the first of my college career!

That was NOT how the cookie ended up crumbling.

So we go and talk the next day.  He doesn't really know how to start this conversation (would you?), but he starts asking the "What are you thinking/hoping is going to happen now?" question.  I don't want to freak him out by telling him how much I want to date him, so I ask him how he was, because I felt like I had freaked him out, to which he replies that it was unexpected, but not a total freak-out for him.  But then he says it.

"Well, I haven't really thought about this since coming home off of my mission, but I kind of like things the way they are right now.  I just say we keep things the same and if something happens down the road, then cool."  Or something to that affect.

And I say, "Yeah, this is hard for me too, since I'm graduating in April and don't really know what to do."  When in reality, all I wanted to tell him was that we should date, or at least go on another date together.  But I agree to just keep things the same, and I felt pretty content, because although the conversation hadn't ended as ideally as I had hoped, at least we were still friends.

But the more I thought about it, the more depressed I got.  This was the first guy I had spilled my guts to in five years.  And he hadn't even told me if he liked me back, which I thought he had, but apparently I was mistaken.  So I talked to some friends, and I Skyped my mom, and have resolved that I still am not going to wait around for him to change his mind.  There are other boys that I kind of like, but just don't know as well as him.  So I guess we'll see what happens.  In any case, I do not expect to graduate college dating/engaged/married.

So yeah, that's the drama in my life right now.  How about something beautiful?  That's right, it's time for Hottie of the Post!  This week we're gonna go with Tom Felton, a.k.a. Draco Malfoy.

I spent too much of yesterday watching stuff about Harry Potter, and realized (or remembered) how smashing Tom actually is.  And he is just adorable in his interviews, too.  He's funny and nice, and he's British, so he's got the sexy accent to boot :)

Anyway, I need to get back to tearing my hair out about my research paper(s).  I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving with your families and/or loved ones.  I'm grateful to some friends for inviting me over to their place for their first married Thanksgiving.  Ashley made some amazing food, and they were great company.  But that is truly all for now.  Ta ta!

It's been too long...

...since I have written on my blog.  Since the last time I wrote, I've left Holland, moved into my new house in Provo, and gone through two weeks of school (already).  I also took the final for my independent study class and got an A- on it, thank you very much :)  It's nice to finally be done with that.  But now I have real classes to participate in, and unfortunately, I'm going to have a lot of writing to do, what with my history class and my two humanities classes.  I hate writing essays (so I don't understand why I decided to be a humanities major...).

However, I also get to take four ballroom classes and choir, so I am very blessed.  Six of my eighteen credits are composed of those classes, so I only have 12 credits of "real" classes.  Hopefully it won't be too bad.  However, I do still need to find a job, which sucks, but I will hopefully be able to do so in the near future.  The only jobs that really fit in my schedule are early morning/late night custodial jobs, and those are hard to come by. It's rather unfortunate, to be sure.

All in all, things are going pretty well.  I like my professors, I'm getting along with my eight roommates, and it's nice living close to campus, although I do not enjoy have to walk up the stairs everyday (all I know is, I better have the nicest legs/butt by the end of the year).  And even though my MWF are really long, since most of my classes on those days are dance/choir, it's not too bad.

So today is the 10 year anniversary of 9/11.  I can't believe it's been that long already since it happened.  I still remember being in the car on the way to school in Texas and hearing about a place crashing into a tower, but at the time not knowing that it was a terrorist attack.  It wasn't until as the day went on that I realized the gravity of the situation.  I remember crying and praying.  I remember how long it took to get back on base on the way home from school.  It's amazing how we are still dealing with the repercussions of that day, and I think in some ways, we always will.  It still saddens me to see the grief of those who lost loved ones in the attack.  I hope that those who lost loved ones know that they are never forgotten.

So I know that I still need to tell you all about Switzerland/Italy.  I'm just a really big slacker right now.  I just don't want to take the time to go through all of my photos on my camera.  I definitely won't put all of them on here, that's for sure, but eventually you will see some of them.  I'm pretty sure I'm friends with all of you on Facebook, though, so you'll be able to see more of them on there.

And now it's time for, you guessed, Hottie of the Post!  As I type I'm trying to think of who I could choose, and I think today I'm going to go with...Jonathan Rhys Meyers!

Yet another gorgeous man with amazingly gorgeous eyes.  Seriously though, I need to marry someone with eyes like his or Jared Leto's, because then our babies will be sure to have gorgeous eyes.

Anyway, I'm tired, and still need to read some boring thing for my humanities class tomorrow, and I told a friend I would come visit him at the 9/11 flag vigil on campus sometime, and since it ends at 0730, that means a very early morning tomorrow.  So enjoy Jonathan, and I will talk to you all later :)

One Week...

Goodness gracious.  Where has this summer vacation gone?

In one week I'll be headed back to Utah.  I cannot believe how fast this summer went.  Last summer seemed to go sooooo sloooooow, but the exact opposite happened this summer.  Maybe because it's the last summer before I have to become a full-fledged adult?  And honestly, that is a scary thought.  It hasn't totally sunk in yet that in a year (or less) I will be a college graduate.  On my own in the world.  AND I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING WITH MY LIFE.  Most people would say, "Oh, just get married and then you'll be set."  Just one problem though: I don't want to be married when I graduate.  I want to live my own life for a little bit before I'm tied down for the rest of my life.  Not that being married isn't great, because I hear it's the bomb, but I'm not ready.  At all.  I mean, I've barely dated, and people want me to get married?  I don't think so.

Anyway, I can't believe the rest of my life is slowly closing in on me.  Especially when I don't know what it is.  I mean, I know what I want, but I need to figure out if I'm going to be able to do it.  Life is just so...aggravating.  It's going to give me even more grey hair than I already have.

Oh, have I mentioned all of my freaking grey hairs?  They are EVERYWHERE.  It's ridiculous.  I mean, it's not totally shocking, since my mom was grey by the time she was 30, and my dad's almost all the way grey now, and he's only 44, but still.  I'm 21 and have a lot of grey hair.  And at the moment, I'm struggling to figure out if I should just suck it up and grow all of my hair own to my natural color.  I mean, it would be easier, but I don't want to look super weird for my senior year of college.  My dad really wants me to get a super short pixie cut.  I think he knows it will make me look much less attractive, and thereby keep his little girl single for a lot longer ;-)  I don't know, I think he just thinks it'll look cute, but I think it will make me look fat(ter).  But we'll see.  I want something new, and I at least need to chop off a lot of my hair to give a head start on growing out my natural color.  I just don't know if I want to chop it all off.

Some good new: I finished my independent study class!  I know, I had over a year and waited until the last possible moment to do it, but hey, it's done, and that's all that matters, right?  So all I have to do is take the final once I get back to BYU, and it'll all be good.

In other news, I might be graduating in August instead of April.  It's more or less up to my parents, so I guess we should figure that out soon so I can refigure some of my schedule and make it a bit less cluttered.  So here's to waiting for that.

I know that I still haven't talked about Switzerland/Italy yet, but I don't have my own laptop yet and don't want to upload my pictures to someone else's computer.  So once I can get it all figured out, I'll post some so you can all be jealous of my awesome vacation this summer :P

So anyway, I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their summer!  Some of you I'll see soon, and others...well, I don't know when I'll see you, but I hope you are all well :-)

Oh!  I almost forgot!  I need to do a Hottie of the Week post!  I recently watched "Becoming Jane," and the leading man was the ever-so-dashing James McAvoy.

Yeah.  It kind of pains me that he's married.  But he sure is lovely to look at.  And he has the most lovely blue eyes.  And he's actually Scottish, and his real accent is so adorable.  And he and Fassy have the most adorable bromance haha.  Anyway, that's really all.  Talk to you all later!

Hello my loves!

We are back from our vacation :)  Let me tell you, it was pretty splendid.  I have to say, Switzerland is amazingly gorgeous, and Italy was a bit of a letdown, at least where we were.  Rome was quite dirty, but Florence looked beautiful for the hour we were there.  And the food was the BEST I have ever had in my life.  Gelato it sooooooo good, and we went to a little restaurant outside of where we were camping, and they had the best ravioli on Earth!

Anyway, I'm sure you're expecting more about vacation, but it's late and I had my wisdom teeth pulled this morning, so I'm thinking I'm going to force myself to go to bed now.  But don't worry, I'll be back to tell you all everything, and maybe add some photos as well :)  However, before I leave, I feel I should leave you with a Hottie of the Post, and today's winner is Jared Leto.

I will admit that he is not always this good looking; he makes some...interesting choices with his hair and make up while he and the rest of 30 Seconds to Mars are on tour (as well as in his dating life.  Lindsay Lohan, anyone?), but when he looks good, he looks DANG good.  And yes, I'm aware that he's 39 years old.  That still doesn't detract from the fact he is amazingly hot.  And those eyes of his?

Yeah, talk about gorgeous.  Anyway, I am now off to brush my teeth very carefully and take some more drugs.  Talk to you all soon!

A Mountain, Not a Hill

So I'm sure that you guys are expecting something about our first day in Berlin.  However, I got online and found out some terrible news: my friends' baby had died.  He had been born with only half of a heart, but it was very unexpected (at least for me), because he had been home for a little while and I thought he had been doing well.  I don't think they really expected it either, really, they just thought it was an infection, and he ended up dying a few hours after they got to the hospital.

What do you say?  I mean, I know  there's always "I'm sorry for your loss, you're in my prayers," but I feel like that just doesn't cut it.  I guess there really isn't anything you can say about in this situation.
I didn't mean to depress any of you.  But I suppose I'll talk about Berlin.  It's really quite the city, I have to say.  It reminds me a lot about Paris in some ways.  We did a bus and boat tour around the city today, which was pretty good.  It was really hot, though, and my chest has a square shaped sunburn on it, and I also have a rosy hue to my face now haha.  But the food here has been great; we went to the Hardrock Cafe yesterday, and it was DELICIOUS.  They also have the best McDonald's here, too.
So after dinner my brothers and I went to go look at the henna tattoo set-up we'd seen yesterday and to see if we could get one.  We were looking at the different options, and this huge gust of wind came and blew one of the displays into my face, and it hit me right above my left eye.  Let me tell you, it really hurt, and I had to sit there for a few seconds and just breathe.  I lifted my head and felt something dripping down my face, and I looked at Kathy and asked, "Am I bleeding," and of course I was.  I guess we'll see tomorrow if I have a bruise or not.  Not gonna lie, I'm kind of hoping that I do haha.  I definitely have a scratch/mini gash.
Anyway, since I'm on here, I might as well do a Hottie of the Post.  Not gonna lie, I've been doing the best ones first, so personally I don't think I'm going to do better than what I've already posted on here haha.  But there are plenty of beautiful people in the world, and in honor of the soon-to-be released Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, today's winner is Daniel Radcliffe.

Needless to say, Harry Potter has grown up.  I'm not saying he's the most attractive guy ever (you already know who I think that is haha), but he has his moments.  Like in the above picture.

Anyway, that's all for now.  More Berlin tomorrow!

BERLIN.

So, I'm pretty excited about going to Berlin.  We are leaving early tomorrow morning, and will be there all day Saturday and Sunday as well, and then we'll leave Monday morning to come back to Holland.  So I won't be on here for a couple of days, but you can expect some awesome blogage and pictures once I return.

Actually, come to think of it, you might not hear from me for a while, since Malachi and I are going to the Harry Potter movie marathon at the Pathé in Eindhoven, and that starts at 0030 on Tuesday morning, and goes until very early on Wednesday morning, and then I think we leave Thursday for Switzerland/more Germany.  So I will be very busy the next few weeks.  I know you will miss my Hottie of the Post, so I'll make today's a really good one.  The winner today is...Christian Bale!

I know he's married, and has a kid, but he is SO nice to look at!  I used to obsess over this guy after Batman Begins came out, and then I started watching some of his other stuff and realized that he makes very good movies and is a very good actor.  I watched (most of) The New World yesterday, but had to turn it off.  I mean, I don't usually mind slow dramas, but this one was sooooooooo slooooooooooooow.  And I only really watched it for him, and he didn't come until almost halfway through the movie (which is 2:15:30 long, let me tell you), so I watched some of it with him in it, then turned it off because I just didn't care anymore.  Then I watched a movie with Fassy in it.

Oh people, he will always be my favorite hottie.  The red hair, green eyes.  The sexy scruff.  I can't get enough.

Anyway, I need to go and clean something or other before we leave for tomorrow.  I hope you can all survive without me ;-)  I'll miss you all as well.  Ta ta!

OH MY GOSH!!!

GUESS WHAT?!

:D

Sorry, I just tricked you all into thinking I have super exciting news.  I don't.  Unless you count the fact that we're going to Berlin this weekend.  Not that I'm not looking forward to that, because I am.

But Mom and Kathy got home from Poland and Germany yesterday.  Mom brought back some great pottery, and even got me an adorable giant mug with its own spoon that I shall be making lots and lots of hot chocolate in.

Isn't it cute?!?!

yeah.  I'm almost done with all of my lessons with assignments attached to them for my class.  Then all I'll have to do is go back and read other stuff, but I can do that on the road.  I am pretty content with life right now :)

So as usual, it is now time for Hottie of the Post!  Today's winner is Henry Cavill.

You may recognize him as Albert from the 2001 production of The Count of Monte Cristo.

Remember this cutie pie?

The last ten years have been veeeeeery good to our Mr. Cavill here.  He was actually Stephenie Meyer's original choice to play Edward in the Twilight movies, but by the time production started, he was too old.  I think he may have dodged a bullet there.  BUT, he will be playing Clark Kent/Superman in Superman: Man of Steel, and you can see him as Theseus in Immortals, which comes out on 11.11.11.  Ironically, Kellan Lutz will also be in this flick as Poseidon, and he plays Emmet Cullen in the Twilight franchise.  But I'll be paying for attention to Henry, I think.

Yeah...

The Land of the Free, and the Home of the Brave

So this is the second year in a row I've been in a foreign country for Independence Day.  Last year, at least, we had a barbecue and celebrated with other American friends here in Holland, but that's not going to happen today.  I've always been very patriotic, probably more so than a lot of others because of growing up as a military brat, but I do love America.  It's a great country to be from in this world.  My favorite verse from the Star-Spangled Banner is this one:


Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!


I think it's beautiful.  I first learned it in high school, and others I've known have also expressed their love for this verse.  I remember I heard it play one day, and thought about how beautiful our national anthem really is.  I've sung it many times, whether in ROTC or getting payed to for little league games in California, but often never pay attention to what I'm saying.  When I stop and actually think about the words, it's really beautiful and very spiritual.  I so grateful for the men and women who fight for my freedom.  I know God wanted this country to be found, and without His help we would have lost the war and would all be British right now.  I wish all Americans would remember "In God is our trust."  The Founding Fathers weren't idiots, they knew what they were doing when they founded this country.  I wish we would listen to them.


Anyway, I'm done with preaching.  Time for a new edition of "Hottie of the Post!"  Today's winner is...Chris Evans!

After a bit of searching, I thought our very own Captain America would be a nice, patriotic choice for today ;-)  Pretty gorgeous, right?  Anyway, I've got a lot of homework and laundry to do, so I must bid you farewell.  Happy 4th of July!

Say what?

So I noticed that you can't see the picture of Patrick J. Adams that I put up earlier, so I'll post another one of him:

This is basically the same picture I posted earlier, just a different size.

However, since it is technically a new day, I've decided to treat you to July 3rd's "Hottie of the Post," who is Max Irons.

*Sigh*

I saw him in the movie "Red Riding Hood."  Not a really great movie, but he was very easy on the eyes, and basically made it worth it ;-)  Anywho, it's almost 0100, and it's fast Sunday, so I should probably get to bed since I need to be up in a few hours.  However, Monica gave me a memory foam pad for my bed, and I tested it out earlier tonight, and let me tell you...it's nice.  I will be sleeping well tonight.  And dreaming of Max Irons.  Goodnight!

I have not witty title for this post.

So I never ended up going to Schinnen with my mom like I said I was going to.  I decided to stay home and clean my room a bit and move all of Monica's stuff into her room.  Kathy and Monica are both officially here, and I am currently trying (and failing) to work on one of my speedback assignments for my online class.  I figure I'll get the lessons done with actual assignments first, and then worry about the ones I just have to read stuff for later.

Anyway, back to Kathy and Monica being here.  It's pretty awesome.  I always love having company in the house, because things get a bit more lively, which I like.  Monica won't be here for very long, but it's always nice to see her; but Kathy will be here for a month, so YAY!  For the first time in my life, my house is estrogen dominated, because there are officially more females than males in the house.  I guess if you count living in a dorm for college, that's not true, but I'm talking about being home.  This is seriously the first time it's ever happened.  I have no problem just hanging out with the guys, so I guess we'll see how this goes.

Anyway, I'm just trying to be good and write on here like I'm supposed to.  I like to just come and look at my blog, because it's pretty now :)  And I think I'm going to have a "Hottie of the Post" now, where I just post a picture of a really hot guy for you all to oggle at.  Today's pick: Patrick J. Adams.

I guess this is more like "Cutie of the Post," but still.  He's cute.  And Canadian.  And he's super charming in the show "Suits" on USA Network.  So yeah, that's all for now.  Back to homework for me!

Blah...

So you know how I said I was writing a book?

Yeah...

I got about a chapter and a half of it out.

And then I realized later that it was stupid.

I think I just lost my inspiration.  And started doubting myself.

But no biggie.  I have other things to worry about, like finishing my online class.  And Kathy coming on Friday morning.  And losing weight (because let me tell you, I'm turning into a fatty.  If any of you know any good diet plans, let me know).

Oh, and Michael Fassbender.

So beautiful...

Seriously.  This man makes my heart skip.  And I don't care that he's 34 years old or dating Zoe Kravitz (who is 22 years old, which gives me hope).  I ADORE HIM.

Okay, Fassy fan-girl rant over.

Oh, and can I add Jamie Bell is quite attractive as well?

Oh my...

I mean, LOOK AT HIM.  He's a good actor.  AND he dances.  Oh, and did I mention he's super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot?  Case and point: THE ABOVE PICTURE.

Okay, now I'm done.  So on with real life.

MY MALE BEST FRIEND TREVOR CAME HOME FROM HIS MISSION THIS WEEK!!!!  Can you tell I'm excited about that?  I can talk to him about pretty much anything.  And for those of you thinking, "Oh, your male best friend?  I think I hear bells in the distance...," no, it isn't like that (even though a lot of people try to tell me it is, which makes me reject the idea even more, SO SHUT UP ABOUT IT).  Trevor is more or less my brother.  From another mother.  But we've been chatting on Facebook the last couple of nights, and it's just been great getting to talk to him in real time for the first time in two years :-)  We take care of each other, he and I, and it's great having my brother home. 

Actually, a LOT of the guys I knew from my freshman year are, and have been, coming home from their missions.  It's pretty awesome, needless to say.  I'm really excited about seeing everyone again this next school year.

So a mini rant now.  Trevor and I were talking tonight (it's currently 12:54 AM my time), and I mentioned how crazy this next semester was going to be, and how I was definitely graduating single.  Which I am pretty content with.  I have plans for my life, and sure, marriage is in there (somewhere), but I kind of like my independence (shocker, right?).  And Trevor made some comments like, "Well, don't reject it if it's there," or "What kind of guys do you like?  I want to introduce you to friends."

Okay.

I don't date a lot.  I've only ever had one boyfriend, kind of two (I had a sort-of relationship with a guy, but we were never official), and I let myself get absolutely crushed by both of them when it didn't work out.  ESPECIALLY with the sort-of boyfriend.  I was hung on this guy from the latter half of my junior year of high school until my freshman year of college.  And then I finally got over him (although I still think about whatever happened to him).  I realized he could never give me what I wanted and deserved.  But I have this problem, where I like guys and freak out when they like me back, or I don't like guys that like me, or I like guys that I will never get.  It seems like this is pretty standard for a lot of girls, because we're dumb and emotional and hormonal and all that.  And I always whine about boys, and about how even though I whine about them I secretly want one.  I mean, hand-holding and cuddling are the greatest things ever, and without a boy where can I get my fixes of those?

Anyway, back to the rant.

I understand us LDS girls are supposed to get married and have babies, and that we should make that a priority.  But...it's not for me.  At least, not right now.

I mean, I'm not saying I'm averse to dating or marriage.  Heck, dates can be super fun, and I hear married life is the best.  But I'm scared of being set up with guys that I end up not being interested in.  Because what if he's interested in me, but I have no intention of ever seeing him again?  This happened to me this last semester, and I feel awful in this kind of situation.

Goodness, I don't really know where I'm going with this.  More or less what I think I'm trying to say is, someday the right guy will come along.  I'm not going to just go out with someone I have no interest in, or who I don't have those specific feelings towards.  That's not fair to him.  And it's not like I haven't put myself out there, because I have, and I've gotten shut down (and it's not like all of them were "out of my league," shall we say).  If I fall in love with a guy, and he loves me back, then yes, I'll do the right thing and get married.  But I'm not going to rush it.  I'm always waiting for a guy, and I always get told, "It'll happen when you're not looking for it."  And you know what?  I'm starting to get that.

I'm a big girl.  I am in control of my own heart and feelings.  I know eight months is a long time (by Mormon standards) to find someone and get married, but I'm not going to force it with someone I don't have the right connection with. 

Anyway, I realized that I'm more content with my singleness when I'm not in Provo.  Probably because I'm surrounded by married people in Provo and they're rubbing their euphoric happiness in my face.  But right now, I have plans for my life, and they involve a single me.

And I think I'm okay with that.

Anyway, I don't know if you've read my novel or not.  But it feels good to spill all of this out.  But I should get to bed.  We leave for Schinnen in about 8.5 hours, and I still need to sleep and shower before then.  So good night!

Hmmm...yes?

So that past couple of days I've been OBSESSED with the "Jane Eyre" (from this year) soundtrack.  It is just absolutely gorgeous!  It was composed by Dario Marinelli, the same guy to did "Pride and Prejudice" with Keira Knightly in it, which was also amazing.  This soundtrack is more dark and moody, but still has that magical sound that just takes you away like "Pride and Prejudice" did.  I seriously just keep lying around and listening to it, daydreaming.  Heck, I even listened to it for the full hour I was on the elliptical today!  It has totally captured me.

Anyway, my daydreams always consist of some story or movie that I make up in my mind.  Of course they're romances, because I'm a girl, and that's what we do.   I've been running around a few different ones the past few days, but there's one I thought up today that I really like.  So much, in fact, that I think I'm going to write a book.

Yep.  I'm writing a book!

Now don't get me wrong, this book is most definitely NOT going to be the greatest or most original thing ever written, I can promise you that.  But I've always liked making up stories, and I feel like this one could actually make sense.  It'll be along the lines of a Jane Austen book, I suppose.  It will most definitely be around the same time period of her books, or maybe around the time of the Bronte sisters' books, like "Jane Eyre" (see why this story's in my head?  It's the soundtrack, I tell you!) or "Wuthering Heights."

I don't know how the easiest way to go about this is, since I'd like to type it on my laptop, but it doesn't work anymore, and I don't really want to type it on my parents' computer, because I'm afraid they'll read it, and I don't think I want anyone reading it until I'm good and ready for them to.  I know some people will type stories in a blog, chapter by chapter, but I don't know if I'll be writing the book totally in order.  At the moment I have different sections of the book really thought out, and kind of know how I want to string things together, but I'm just not sure.  Does anyone know of a way for me to type this out without people reading it?  Because a notebook is just not an option!  I would go insane from trying to handwrite everything.  So, your suggestions are welcome!

Arr, Mateys!

So we went and saw "On Stranger Tides" tonight, and it was quite good, I have to say.  I really did like the story, and I'm excited for the next one or two movies that are going to follow.  Johnny Depp was brilliant, of course :)  I would gladly go and see it again, just not in 3D because it's really not worth it to go and see it in 3D.  But if you haven't seen it yet, you definitely should, I don't think you'll be disappointed.